Every so often I have this nightmare. I cry in my sleep and always awake from it trying to stop myself from doing so. Each time it’s a little different, but still it’s the same. It’s about my father. In my nightmare he keeps trying to come back into my life, he tries to pretend that he’s this changed person. He can’t fool me. I tell him how I feel, each time I say a little more than I’ve said previously. I scream at him, at the very peak of my lungs to just get the fuck away from me because he hasn’t done anything for me. Then he gets angry, those bloodshot eyes he used to get right before he was about to hit my mother, or my sister, or my brother. Those eyes taunted me for a long time. But this is what makes the nightmare different, I’m not scared anymore. He doesn’t mean a thing to me. He isn’t my dad, I don’t need a dad. I don’t fucking want a dad. Because of him I’m such a fucked up person. There’s times where I look at my reflection and I see his face. I feel like pounding on the mirror until it shatters and my knuckles bleed. I hate him. It’s a seething hatred I wish I couldn’t feel. I can’t ever bring myself to love a man who causes me so much pain. I pity him. God forgive me, but if he were to die right this instant, it’d be just another day.

Eh.

  1. murdershewrites posted this